Yearning for rest

Have a seat

I just want to sit. Ideally by a body of water. Ocean, lake, river, pool, I’m not too picky. Under a shady tree or umbrella. I want the scent of sunscreen to cling to my pores, gently mixing with the tang of sweat from a long summer day spent outdoors. I want to feel my skin warm up, then begin to flush after I give up on sun protection. I want a hot dog with cold yellow mustard.

I want to forget my schedule, my planner, my to-do list for just one day. No texts, no emails, no deadlines, no worries. I want to be unreachable. I want to disappear from the world and settle into the moment. I want to breathe in the air and truly smell it, drawing in a full breath to my belly.

I want to pause. In the middle of a busy season, I’m trying to slow down. I’ve got what I’ve wished for and now I’m scared I won’t be able to enjoy it before it’s gone. So, sitting. I want to sit in this moment as it is now. No second location and god forbid we make a reservation.

I don’t want to maximize for efficiency. After years of planning, getting the timing right, and quickening my pace, I just want to sit. I want to linger, loiter, soak it all in without thinking about what I’m doing next.

I want to explore with no agenda. To take the scenic route. To stumble down an old brick road in heels that are too tall. I want to surrender my desire to control and make no decisions. I’ll let life happen to me this time, I promise.

No flash photography please. No more posing for the right angles and posturing for Instagram. Enough photos to remember, not enough to distract from the now. I want to be without having to prove I was.

I want time to create, relax, and hang out. To sip a cool drink on a hot patio and oh, how is your family? No such thing as TMI!

I want to laugh loudly in public, SCREAM when I run into the arms of an old friend and talk too long in dimly lit parking lots. To crack a joke at a bad time, forgetting my manners in pursuit of laughter.

I want to feel the throb of bodies pulsing under Lazor lights and electric music. To feel the bass in my chest. I want to be out of my wits.

I want to find peace in the prosaic. To drink my coffee sitting down for once and hum pop songs while I fold laundry. I want to unzip my pants and let my full belly hang out after I’ve overindulged on a meal shared with loved ones.

I don’t care who you know, I want to know who you are. What do you care about? Fuck the shareholder value. Don’t bother pardoning my French and drop the jargon please.

I’m running with my arms full to my next meeting. When I finally sit, I’m out of breath. I said I’m chasing rest, but I hear that’s an oxymoron.

There will be times when I miss going fast but that’s not right now. I don’t want to think too much about that, because right now is all I have.